In Loving Memory of My Dear Mother: Hope for the Grieving
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April 11, 2024 at 9:02 am
On Easter morning, April 9, 2023, The Garden, by Kari Jobe, began to play on my Spotify as my mom was in comfort care on the 7th floor of the hospital room. I had never heard this song before and was amazed at how timely the lyrics were in relation to my mother passing from this life and all the heartache she had experienced – – and our family has experienced. What a journey it has been. As I sat near her bedside, I did not want to leave for fear that she would pass without anyone with her.
Mom’s doctor came into the room at 10:00 a.m. and said, “I really thought your mom would pass on Friday because her oxygen was in the 60s. She’s quite the fighter.” He also wanted to know how we ended up in this city 45+ years earlier. Her oxygen had actually dropped into the 30s and 40s on Saturday! I asked him, “Can I tell you a story?” He nodded his head ‘yes’.
In March 2020, my mom handed me an old offering envelope from our church in Chicago. In it was a letter dated November 16, 1977. After I read the letter, I turned to my mom and exclaimed, “You mean to tell me we left everyone we knew and loved to come to a place where we didn’t know one soul because dad was running from another woman’s husband?!” Mom, now in a frail state, over 43 years later, nodded her head ‘yes’. In my 20s I had learned that my dad had had an affair, but I didn’t know why we moved so abruptly when I was only 10-1/2 years old. The doctor’s eyes became like saucers. “That’s why we ended up here!” Yes, she is absolutely a strong, sassy, stubborn fighter! And I liken stubborn to being determined, not in a negative manner as is often the case.
What the medical community did the past few years was criminal in my eyes. You don’t let people die alone! So, I was beyond thankful that after several days even her doctor did not give us any problem with not wearing protective garments. One nurse gave me a hard time on Sunday afternoon. I told her emphatically, “The doctor was in here earlier and didn’t say a word to me about any of that!” When does grace cover over the deep fear that was instilled? That certainly can apply to so many areas of our lives, but we desperately needed it while our mother was passing. Who cares at this point if family is wearing a protective overcoat, shoe protectors or a muzzle. For goodness sake, leave people alone and let them be with their loved one! During the day, whenever I was alone with my mom, I played The Garden over and over.
On Monday, April 10, Endless Alleluia by Cory Asbury began to play on my Spotify. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I had been praying Psalm 100 around 2:00 a.m. because you see, almost 33 years earlier I was with my maternal grandmother when she was leaving this world. The Holy Spirit had spoken to my spirit to read Psalm 100 on October 31, 1990. My dear grandmother passed on her 79th birthday. And now here I was with my dear mother. As Cory Asbury sang, tears streamed down my cheeks. Only a moment to live this life. Like shooting stars burning up the night. Til heaven’s opened and we arrive in Your presence, Lord. In Your Presence, Lord.
The medical staff told us mom could pass at any time and that her oxygen could plummet quickly. At 12:15 a.m., as I was watching the monitor, mom’s oxygen went from 107, to 90, 70, 50, 30, 20, 0 – – then everything went berserk. The nurse said she needed to shut it off. Suddenly I felt this incredible peace fill the room and sweep over my entire body. My mother passed away on April 11, 2023 at 12:16 a.m., the day before our youngest brother’s birthday. My brother passed away 6-1/2 years ago at the age of 47 years old. Over the past 16-1/2 years, I have often said that losing a child is the deepest loss one can experience because I lost my oldest son to suicide at the tender age of 15 years old. It wasn’t long after my mother passed that I realized losing her was as painful as losing my son. Of course! She had carried me, raised me, fought for me, and loved me the best she knew how even in the midst of her own pain. Until we meet again, I will honor your memory, mama. This is not our home; we’re only passing through. I’ll see you on the other side.
The Garden by Kari Jobe
I had all but given up
Desperate for a sign from love
Something good, something kind
Bringing peace to every corner of my mindThen I saw the garden
Hope had come to me
To sweep away the ashes
And wake me from my sleepI realized You never left
And for this moment
You planned ahead
That I would see
Your faithfulness in all of the greenI can see the ivy
Growing through the wall
‘Cause You will stop at nothing to heal my broken soulOh, You’re healing broken souls
Healing….You’re healing broken souls
Faith is rising up like ivy
Reaching for the light
Hope is stirring me in silence
Making all things rightLove is lifting me from sorrow
Catching every tear
Dispelling every lie and torment
Crushing all my fearsYou crush all my fears
You crush all my fears
With Your perfect love
Oh, with Your perfect loveNow I see redemption
Growing in the trees
The death and resurrection
In every single seed…“We grieve deeply because we loved deeply.” ~ Author Unknown
April 11, 2024 at 9:27 amGod bless you ❤️ This touches me❤️ I am caring for my 88 year old Mom now and it is very hard and I don’t want to lose her. 🙏❤️
April 11, 2024 at 10:28 amDearDab sibling LivingAgain; What a powerful Testimony you have shared about your Mum; her strength; courage and then her final days before she entered eternity!! God bless you as you honor her memory. Sorry about the losses you suffered and May God continue to strengthen your faith and walk with the Him. Stories like yours remind me of myself and my years of Struggle. Thank God that you outlived your mother and are able to appreciate her sacrifice and boldness in fleeing from danger. May God’s unending grace and mercy continue to follow you. I will listen to the song by Kari Jobe. Here is another song that can lift your spirit as you continue to honor the life of your beloved mother. Sending 🙌💕🙏🙏 Be blessed. And Shalom 🙏✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨ ✨”In The Garden✨by Charles A. Miles”✨✨✨✨ I come to the garden alone, While the dew is still on the roses,✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨ And the voice I hear falling on my ear✨✨✨✨✨✨✨ The Son of God discloses. ✨✨✨✨Refrain:✨✨✨ And He walks with me, and He talks with me,✨✨✨✨ And He tells me I am His own;✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨ And the joy we share as we tarry there,✨✨✨✨✨✨ None other has ever known. ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨ He speaks, and the sound of His voice✨✨✨✨✨✨✨ Is so sweet the birds hush their singing,✨✨✨✨✨✨ And the melody that He gave to me✨✨✨✨✨✨ Within my heart is ringing.🙏✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨ I’d stay in the garden with Him,✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨ Though the night around me be falling,✨✨✨✨✨✨✨ But He bids me go; through the voice of woe✨✨✨✨ His voice to me is calling.🙌
April 11, 2024 at 12:14 pmSo moving! How wonderful it is when God brings beauty from the ashes of our life’s experiences…
Blessings! In Him. 💞April 11, 2024 at 7:10 pmThanks for honoring your mom! So sorry for your loss… Praying the Lord blesses you with His peace, love and strength as well as letting you feel His presence, His loving arms around you! He will never leave you nor forsake you! God bless you mightily, dear sister in Christ!🙏🙏🙏🕊️🕊️🕊️✨✨✨♥️♥️
April 11, 2024 at 7:17 pmGod blessings be upon you!🙏🏻❤️🕊
April 11, 2024 at 9:31 pmLiving Again, Thank you for sharing your testimony and persevering. Your generosity in sharing touches many. May you be blessed as you have been a blessing through the graces He gives and shines through you and the time and effort you have taken to share with those around you both physically and virtually. Know that you are loved and prayed for. May His presence fill and comfort you. Thank You Jesus for Your workings and Your coming kingdom. Let us continue in our hope, faith and love. Anticipating His appearing on this earth with you, dear one. Amen.
April 11, 2024 at 11:08 pm▪️🙏🏼 💔 Dear Living Again Thank you for sharing this beautiful life story. 💓 The songs are very special with the creative lyrics that touch our hearts. Me and all the DABbers will be holding U up to the Father, in our prayers. Take some time for just U and God. With prayers for U during this time of grieving, love from a fellow DABber – 💔 ▪️ GodsgalMN 🙏🏼 😢
April 12, 2024 at 8:13 amThank you!💖🙏🏻
April 24, 2024 at 6:39 amThank you all for your prayers and responses in a season of deep grief. Dear GCOGA, I wanted to say that I don’t believe my mom knew about the threat of an angry husband until she found the letter “after” our move. Also, I appreciate the song. I remember it from many years ago; it’s beautiful. ❤️
April 24, 2024 at 6:50 am🙏🏼🫶
April 24, 2024 at 8:20 amWhat a beautiful testimony! Thank you for sharing it with your DAB family!
April 24, 2024 at 11:10 am▪️ 💔 🙏🏼 ▪️Living Again, hi there❣️ 👋🏼 GodsgalMN here. It is morning 🌅and I was thinking of U. ▪️♥️ 🙏🏼 Wondering how you’re doing? On this PW Prayer Wall, I came back to your beautiful post about your Mother and read it again. I can almost see you at her bedside❣️ Listening to the Kari Job song was powerful and spirit filled. There’s an older song by Matt Maher in one of his earlier albums called – ▪️ “The Garden.” 🌱🍃🌷🌹 It’s lovely. 🌿 🌺 He sings of how, in Genesis man (we), walked in the garden together with God. 👥 🫱🏻🫲🏽The song “walks” us through the garden (lyrically). Matt sings that as the Lord steps beside us, He is “making our 💗 heart – a garden.” 💐 🌾🪴 What a picture! Our heart as a garden. 🍱🌻 🥕🪷🫛 Not unlike life, a garden holds many things: soil / dirt, tiny seeds, 🌱sprouts and roots, 🪨 rocks and 🌾weeds, rain drops, 💦 rays of sun, ☀️ oxygen and new shoots and buds, 🐛🪰 🪲pests and 🐿️ 🐸 🦌🐁 predators that come to steal and destroy what’s growing. But – the garden remains. How? ❓ ❓ ❓ Because it ABIDES-in it’s Maker, the Creator of ☁️ Heaven & Earth. 🌎 🌒 🌞 We too, are to 🏡 “live-in,” Abide-in our Creator as He tends to our garden. You see – in the beginning, God made a plan for each of us, then planted specific seeds for a purpose. Our own gardens are unique and handmade by the gardener. How marvelous are His ways❣️▪️ We 🙌🏼 praise 🙌🏼 God Almighty’s sovereign hand 🫲🏼 that is over it all❗️. . . . and Father we give you alone all glory and honor for the rest of our days. In the life giving name of our Savior- Jesus Christ. ▪️🙌🏼 AMEN‼️ 🙌🏾 With thoughts from my 💓 heart, your fellow DABber- ▪️ GodsgalMN 🙏🏼 ✝️
April 24, 2024 at 8:44 pm💕🙌🙏🙏
April 24, 2024 at 9:32 pmEncouragement for us from this song. Pls enjoy: ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨ Abide with me, fast falls the eventide The darkness deepens Lord, with me abide When other helpers fail and comforts flee Help of the helpless, oh, abide with me ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨ Swift to its close ebbs out life’s little day Earth’s joys grow dim, its glories pass away Change and decay in all around I see O Thou who changest not, abide with me ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨ I fear no foe, with Thee at hand to bless Ills have no weight, and tears no bitterness Where is death’s sting? Where, grave, thy victory? I triumph still, if Thou abide with me ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨ Hold Thou Thy cross before my closing eyes Shine through the gloom and point me to the skies Heaven’s morning breaks, and earth’s vain shadows flee In life, in death, o Lord, abide with me Abide with me, abide with me 🙌🙏🙌🙏🙌🙏🙌🙏🙏
April 25, 2024 at 2:58 amThank you for sharing something so dear to your heart with us. It brought me back to my sweet mamas last days. I simply did not realize how much I would miss her. If I could only have some time back to tell her how much I loved her. Thank you again.
April 25, 2024 at 8:28 amDearest sibling LivingAgain; I read your post over and over again yesterday while getting infusion. I believe the lord got me back to listen to the lyrics of the song by Kari Jobe as I read through your post. Even though I have responded twice, the spirit still led me back to your testimony again. 🙌🙏🙏🙏✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨April 5, 2024 marked 22 years that my precious mother passed on to eternity. I was not able to be there when it happened because I was overseas!! That hurts till this day but I gave her all the 🌹 🥀 she deserved and she got all the love 💕 I could give but it still hurts and I still cry just from missing her. No matter how much we give; a mother’s love is immeasurable and indescribable especially when there is love and affection. I am thankful that all her seven offsprings and 30 grandchildren are all still alive. It is only by grace. 🙌🙏✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨I thank God for that. I shared your testimony with my Children and siblings because there is so much to learn from it. Thank you. I will post the lyrics of the song just in case you never know who will be blessed by it!! On July 18, I will be an adult with dab!!! All glory to God🙏🙏
April 25, 2024 at 8:29 amThese words are powerful: “The Garden Song by Kari Jobe I had all But given up Desperate for A sign from love Something good Something kind Bringing peace to every corner of my mind Then I saw the garden Hope had come to me To sweep away the ashes And wake me from my sleep I realised You never left And for this moment You planned ahead That I would see Your faithfulness in all of the green I can see the ivy Growing through the wall ‘Cause You will stop at nothing To heal my broken soul I can see the ivy Reaching through the wall ‘Cause You will stop at nothing To heal my broken soul Ohh, You’re healing broken souls You’re healing, You’re healing broken souls Faith is rising up like ivy Reaching for the light Hope is stirring deep inside me Making all things right Love is lifting me from sorrow Catching every tear Dispelling every lie and torment Crushing all my fears You crush all my fears You crush all my fears With Your perfect love Oh-ohh, with Your perfect love Now I see redemption Growing in the trees The death and resurrection In every single seed.”
April 26, 2024 at 4:09 amDear siblings, I will respond to your posts soon. Thank you so much for your prayers and encouragement. I am moved by your words and other songs. ❤️
April 28, 2024 at 7:18 am▪️ 💓 sounds good.
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